Stoking the Flames of Desire

Stoking the Flames of Desire

Drew Rozell, Ph.D. Session Leader

Drew: I will welcome you all to the Stoking the Flames of Desire class; it'll be the first class here at Attractionville. I just want to say thank you so much, all of you, for having the faith to join Attractionville and be a part of it. I'm really, really excited about it and I just appreciate the faith you have in my and in the classes.

Let me give you some background on how the idea for this teleforum was born. In my coaching practice and people I talked to around desire, around what it is they really, really want, I find with a lot of people when I ask that question, a couple things usually happen. One, they don't usually have an answer; they don't always have a good answer as to what they really want. They haven't really thought of it; they haven't really let their mind go there. While that isn't surprising, I guess because it is so common there must be some dynamic. When they do have something that they desire, I've noticed that they're not asking for very much. They don't ask for very much. So, in this class, or in this discussion, what I want for everybody as a foundation for attraction is to make sure that we've at least got step one of this attraction process down, that we're at least asking clearly for what it is that we want and desire. And, that we're asking clearly for what it is that we want and desire with emotion behind what it is we're asking for. That's going to be step 1 of the attraction process.

Let me make sure that I make this point about the class in general. I consider this to be a forum; I consider this a classroom, and we're all in a big class and we're all in a big circle facing each other. I'm not at the front of the class teaching you – I want to be part of the group. I want the discussion to flow so if you do have a question or a comment, just say your name and fire away. I will share my thoughts here at the beginning, but then I'll open it up and we'll see if I can do some coaching and we can do some sharing and if we can fan the flames of desire for all of you, so that you have something clear in your mind that you can orient yourself around. Okay?

Okay, the attraction process is a 3-step process. I don't know how far everybody's gotten into the material, or how familiar you are with it, but I think it's worthy of review at this point. Attraction is a three-step process; here are the 3 steps. Number 1, and that's where we are, you have to ask for what you want. You have to put it out to the universe, what is it that you really, really desire. Again, you putting it out there, the vibration that emanates through the universe has to be a clean and clear vibration. You can't be conflicted. You have to be able to conjure up within you the feeling that matches the desire. You're going to have to feel good about what you're asking for, and be very clear about what you're asking for. That's step 1. Any questions about step 1?

XXX: No (multiple voices)

Drew: Step 2 in this attraction process, after we ask the universe for what it is we really desire and have the emotion of what it is we desire behind that, then step 2 is it is done; it is given. Whatever we want is on the way to us. The universe is co-creating with us at that point; everything is coming together to match what it is we've asked for.

Step 3 in the attraction process – number 1, we ask; number 2, it is given – step 3 is that we need to allow what it is that we're asking for to come into our experience. This is a tricky thing. This is the one where most of us stop the attraction process; we don't allow what it is that we want to come in. The reason we don't allow, usually, is because of some beliefs we have; we don't know how what it is we're asking for would come into our experience – we focus on the reality of what is our current situation around us. We don't really believe that what we want can come to us. What we end up doing a lot of the time – again, this is a 3-step process – if we're not allowing, we're asking. We go back to step 1.

If we're asking, let's say, for a great relationship to come into our lives, and we ask for it. We put it out there, and the universe is sending that relationship to us – they're sending us the opportunity to come in contact with the person that we'd really like to meet, for instance, and we don't allow that into our experience – if you don't believe that it can happen; you wonder if it's really going to work – if that's the vibration you're putting out in step 3 here, what usually happens is that (1) you've stopped the attraction process, and (2) you've gone back to step 1. Then, you ask when it's going to show up and you ask over and over for the same thing. By doing that, you never go through the 3 steps of the attraction process that will actually manifest what you want because you're always going back to that place of asking. You're always going right back to the beginning, so the thing you desire never shows up.

So, what we need to do here is ask for what we want, feel good about what we're asking for, and then allow it to come into our experience. That's kind of the overview of where I'm coming from in this class, where I'm coming from in this discussion. This step 1 is really important, and we need to ask clearly for what we want, we need to have that emotion behind it, and we need to ask for a lot. Why not ask for a lot?

So, in what I've said – comments, questions? This is where I'm going to throw it to the floor here.

Kate: I have a great example of how I got in my own way and it happened here just recently. It's really coming very clear to me. I was doing a workshop on something I'd never done before. I believed it was going to be filled to maximum number, which was 12, and it was very slow coming. Finally I had 8 people and in the last week, 4 dropped out. What I can see now is that it was my own doubt about presenting; I probably got in the way and blocked it from manifesting in the way I was saying I wanted.

Drew: If I can ask you a bit, what were you thinking and what were you feeling as you were waiting for the registrations to come in?

Kate: I was thinking, ‘I wonder how this is going to go. I wonder if this venue is going to work. I wonder if 12 is too many. I wonder if people will respond.' You know, all the doubt-filled comments.

Drew: A lot of question marks.

Kate: Yeah!

Drew: So what's happening in this place, Kate, is your desire. What we ask for – if we ask for it and we ask for it clearly with emotion behind it, it's got to always be one direction. If you're asking for a workshop and you want it filled with 12 people, and my guess is that part of you really does desire that, that would've been great. And yet, at the same time, the vibration that you're putting out there about what it would really be like to have 12 people, it doesn't say to the universe ‘this is what I really desire'. There is that doubt vibration in there – any sort of energy you're putting forth in that doubt, that's what the universe is responding to. It's not responding to your words, and it's not responding to the idea that yes, I desire 12 people. What it's really responding is really whether or not in your body you desire 12 people.

Kate: Yes.

Drew: Thank you for that example. That's really important, folks. That's what we're talking about when we're putting out a desire. It's to make sure that we're in that feeling place of actually having it. What we find – you know, the more I look into this and the more I ask people what they really desire, and they don't have a good answer for it, or they don't ask for very much and wonder why they don't get it is because they're not really in line with what they desire. That's what they universe gives them. Thank you, Kate.

Kate: You're welcome.

Drew: Someone else?

Jen: I've asked this question before, but I'm curious again to hear an answer about what you can do to raise your vibration. Often times, when I try to go to that place, it feels off and it's like I'm pretending to be in a higher vibration to match what it is that I want. And, to keep that positive vibration consistently is tough for me.

Drew: Because you find yourself going through a place of negative vibration?

Jen: Yeah, or just flat. It's difficult to keep a positive vibration to match what it is that I want.

Drew: What is it that you want, can I ask that?

Jen: Sure. For example, a beach house. That's what I'm wanting for the day – it's something that I've always wanted. I feel like the thought gets bogged down a little bit, and it hasn't come.

Drew: And all those things come into play, right? At least one thing I do is to try and focus – if it were a beach house I wanted, for example, I would be thinking, ‘God, how great would it be to have a beach house because to wake up and hear the waves and see the sun come up. ‘ You know, the smell of the ocean, al those things would be really cool. Then, what might happen is the thought that how would I afford that. What would have to happen for me to get that beach house? What would I have to do? Does that happen to you?

Jen: Absolutely!

Drew: Okay, so that's the place you go. If you get into that place, what does that feel like – is that responsibility, is that pressure to figure things out – ?

Jen: Right; it's frustrating.

Drew: It's frustrating. What's frustrating about it?

Jen: Just that I imagine that I'm involved, not quite sure of the plan, and so on. Then, I have images of waking up, taking a peaceful walk, riding a canoe out in the sea, and just try to go the place and concentrate on those thoughts to raise the vibration, but it starts to feel fake after a while. This is in my reality, so it's hard to stay positive about it.

Drew: Okay. What part of that – when you think about it, what would be the image or feeling that comes to your mind?

Jen: The feeling of a peaceful retreat.

Drew: What would you see yourself doing? Or, would you be doing anything? What's the picture in your mind?

Jen: Lots of walks on the beach, relaxation time, but also water activities – scuba diving, and so on.

Drew: Are there any of those that you can hold in your mind?

Jen: Yes.

Drew: And is there the sense that after a while it seems fake?

Jen: Yes, it gives me the sense that it's a tape that I'm using over and over again, but where is this getting me?

Drew: Which tape would it be? What would you be popping in there?

Jen: Walks on the beach, having a cup of coffee in the morning, and being able to raise my family there. Definitely walking in the early morning is a key one.

Drew: And then that gets overwhelmed, that it's not real – I'm really trying to understand how you're holding that thought in your mind.

Jen: I think that it's not real, that it's not here now. I've been holding that for a couple of years now, and it's still not here.

Drew: So what's happening dynamically, if I understand, is that you're going back to that one all the time- that it's not here, where is it, I don't think it's really going to happen. If I asked you, do you believe that it's going to happen?

Jen: I have my doubts!

Drew: You have your doubts, right? And dynamically, that's what the universe is responding to right now. This is going to sound like a tip, and it is – it's a suggestion. If you find it really hard to focus on that one thing, that walk on the beach with a cup of coffee, the tip that I would give around that would be this: if you live anywhere where you could do something similar – like could you take a cup of coffee and go for a nice walk somewhere?

Jen: Sure.

Drew: Here's what I like to do. If it does feel completely, as you say, fake, and that's not enough for you, then create that experience somehow. Get as close as you can to that experience somewhere in your life. Actually go for a weekend to the beach – do exactly that thing, whatever it is that you need to do to make it real. Right now I kind of hear that the experience of it is too far away for you, that it doesn't seem real.

Jen: Yes.

Drew: So, do something to make it real. When was that last time you did that on the beach?

Jen: Well, actually, it was a couple weeks ago. I took off and the next day I did that.

Drew: And how was that?

Jen: It was wonderful.

Drew: And in that situation, did it make it seem closer or further away?

Jen: I guess what I ended up doing is trying to come up with a plan or a strategy. It felt very good to be there, but my wheels were turning on how I was going to do this.

Drew: And that's the question that, I think, in the attraction process – I'll be doing a class on this later – it's 2 words. "But" is one of them, and "how" is the other. Once you start getting into the how, I can feel the weight building up on you. The pressure is now on you to figure out how all this is going to happen.

Jen: Right.

Drew: And in general, one of the big characteristics that can help you attract what you most desire is a leap of faith in this process. There's a big leap of faith. Step one, you ask; step two, it's given, and in step three, there's that big jump. It's that we're going to allow what it is that we really desire to come to us easily.

Michael: It seems that you're saying that you put this wish in a box, you light a candle, and you let it go.

Drew: Oh, I like that.

Michael: And, I mean, what's wrong with keeping in front of mind – keeping focused on it. I guess there's a fine line between focusing on it and being obsessed about it and just being positive about it. Can you address that?

Drew: Yes I can. One of the things, desire-wise – here's an example. I just bought a new car. I got very excited; it's a Lexus and it's a used one but it's been something I've desired for a long time. It hasn't been the case where I desired the car, then just put it away and all of a sudden it just shows up in my life. Attraction is not that passive a process; it's a very active process. I think that's where people misinterpret what's going on here. With the car, because it was something I desired, I would just regularly check on it. I would just look – it didn't mean I had to buy right then, but it was in my consciousness. I had the pictures of the ones I like on my desktop on my computer. The difference is I didn't go, ‘How am I going to get the car?' It's kind of a specific car; it's kind of a rare car. There aren't many around here, and usually when I look, I have to travel. And how all this was going to happen, I didn't know, but every time I could bring up that picture, I got excited. I could picture myself behind the wheel of this car; I could picture myself getting up out of that car. I could picture what it would be like picking up my friends in that car, and every time I could see that image, it felt good. If you can have those images and that reminder, I think that's great. You just have to make sure that your image is a positive one and your vibrational energy is all in that direction.

Tony: Another way I've heard it talked about is by comparing ‘push mode' and ‘pull mode'. When you're pushing, it's always what am I going to do to get there. If you establish a vision that inspires you and you can write in your journal or something like that, then you're pulling it towards you.

Drew: Great! I like that. If you have to push something, that doesn't feel good. It always raises questions. And being pulled towards something would definitely be attraction.

Michael: Is it always got to be something kind of measurable? The beach house and a car are examples, but how do you say something like ‘I just want to attract more happiness or positive outlook' – something that's kind of difficult to measure?

Drew: And a lot of times, it's not a material object, it's more of a feeling, but you need to be able to quantify that feeling. You want to be happy, but what does that really mean?

Michael: So that's really drilling down and stuff?

Drew: Yeah, getting really clear. If I'm just asking for, say, some kind of nice clock. Well, right then there's probably enough vibrations under that that aren't really clear. Or, I'd like to be happier – that's not as clear as, ‘I'd like to wake up every morning excited about what the day holds for me. Every morning when my feet hit the floor, I'd like to feel great.' Again, it doesn't have to be – I don't think it has to be a physical object by any means, but something that you can quantify, that you can say ‘yes' or ‘no' whether you want it in your life, rather than a vague state or condition. Does that make sense, Michael?

Michael: Yes it does.

Kate: What's coming up for me here as a common denominator is that there's a great element of trust and also a trust in ourselves that we're worthy. You know it's like, who am I to want a Lexus? Am I worthy of this? It seems like such a simple concept, but it seems as though that is a vital element in this.

Drew: Wonderful point there! Two things I get out of this – one is the trust. The biggest thing, overarching all of that is that the universe is a benevolent place, it's a good place, and it wants good things for all of us. That's why we're here in this experience. I think that part of the trust – especially – is a leap from what we've been taught and is a whole different way of being. Then, the second thing part of what you say is that in trusting ourselves, we really deserve what it is we attract and desire. There's this feeling that we really want a beach house, but maybe that I don't deserve one. Or, I would like a Lexus but I don't deserve one. I've noticed that going on in me; you know, I pulled the trigger on this car and then I started thinking, ‘Do I really deserve this?' You can easily see how the energy can get turned in that direction, and the physical universe will respond to that energy, so it's really important to say, ‘Yeah, I deserve it.' Everybody deserves it.

Kate: And it's not about earning it.

Drew: Yeah, that's a key word – earning it usually reflects that there has to be some suffering involved.

Kate: Struggle, yeah.

Drew: Thank you very much, Kate. Someone else is in the queue there?

Ken: Yeah, hi. One of the things that I'm comparing this to is something I struggle with myself so often, and that's really being keenly aware of what it is that I want, and then where I get hung up is looking for the place where I conflict – what it feels like not to have that. It's about making that switch to what it's like already having that.

Drew: Precisely!

Ken: And I'm hearing ways to getting around it. I've been wanting skis and I'll go and touch them and feel them and play with them, and get when I get away from them, it's like, oh no. Then I become keenly aware that I'm coming from a place where I know that I'm not there yet.

Drew: What would you need to have happen?

Ken: Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I would need to have money – I would have to have money in the bank.

Drew: So you won't buy until you have money in the bank?

Ken: Yeah.

Drew: How strong is your desire? How many times have you looked at them and touched them?

Ken: Oh, many, many! (laugh)

Drew: So for you to acquire these is – they could show up at your door; they could. One way is that you could go and buy them. Maybe you'd have to charge them, and somehow you'd have those skis in your possession. Do you think you'd ever take that step?

Ken: Well, the funny this is – here's an example. I had the skis, but I didn't have the wherewithal to use them so – and I may be getting off track here. I went ahead and got myself a season pass and I did charge it, knowing that even though the funds weren't firmly in place, I did it. Then, there was this real sense of joy knowing that whenever I got the skis, I could go. Then, I thought – is that a very responsible thing to do? The burden of responsibility….

Drew: Just to play off what you were saying, it wasn't responsible for me to buy that car; it wasn't responsible at all, but it feels great. Every time – and I'll just tell you what I notice – every time I do what feels great, I never have to worry about being responsible. It's never come up that way. When I bought my skis, I remember it wasn't responsible to buy them, but the first time I went down on the mountain on them, it felt so good! That vibration of having what I wanted and having that feel so good carried over in the rest of my life, and anything that I needed to be responsible for was no longer an issue. I would never say, ‘Go charge the skis' or whatever, but I am offering that thought. Responsibility is not in the place that feels good; it's saying ‘here's what I want but I won't let myself have it'. My experience is that whenever I've gone with what I really desired, the responsibility takes care of itself. That is, again, hooking back into the space of this whole process.

Jeanette: One of the things that comes up for me around that whole responsibility thing is that the do I deserve it? Have I done the things to make the money be there, and if so, then I deserve it. Otherwise, do I deserve it?

Drew: Right.

Jeanette: And I also wanted to bring up another point, too. One of the things I keep thinking about are what are the things in my life that I do expect to happen that I do believe it, and can they happen regularly. One of them for me is my paycheck; it never occurs to me that I'm not going to get my paycheck. So, I try to just look at those things that I expect to be there, you know, where I really do believe that they're there, that I'm always going to have them, and they're there. I'm just trying to find the difference there. What's the difference between what I desire that I am getting and what I desire that I'm not getting? What's the difference in my belief and expectations, and just the way that I relate to it?

Drew: Yeah, your belief, your expectations, and what you feel that you desire. A couple of general comments – if we keep in mind what we do want, what we're really excited about, that does pull us forward. What we really have in our minds is what we don't want to have happen, and that becomes a stronger vibration than what it is that we do want, and then the universe responds in kind. You know, a question around that that I ask is, if you ask yourself what it is that you really desire – whether it's a space, a feeling, or a physical thing. I've gotten in the habit of asking myself why do I not desire something.

By asking that question, why do I not desire that – and when I ask people that question, they say, ‘Well, there's no reason I don't desire that. I'll just come up with a reason.' Why would you not want prosperity or a new car or a fabulous relationship? When you give someone time to think about that, they can generate a reason, and the reason is that they themselves don't believe. Well, it wouldn't – why would you not want those skis? Perhaps Ken would say that it isn't a very responsible thing to do. That is an active vibration that every time we pull that up as a desire, what we're also activating is that responsibility vibration and the universe is responding to that. Ask yourself that question; I think it'll give you a strong clue where we're not allowing these things to come into our experience – where we're kind of crossing up that strong desire that we're putting out, where we're kind of putting out that flame. I offer that as a question for everybody to ask themselves – why don't you want this? – and see where that point of resistance is.

Nick: It's interesting because this is a kind of disparate group from all over the world, and yet, we all ask the same question. I'm interested where you think that belief of struggle comes from. Are we taught that or is it inherent? What do you think it is?

Drew: I have thoughts on that Nick, but I would be thrilled if you just offered your initial thoughts on that.

Nick: Well, I think it probably comes, to a certain extent, from childhood; the whole ‘don't do this, don't do that' thing which I can imagine – it's the kind of negativity that you're taught not to do something, rather than to do things. Then, in the media, there's this kind of ‘bad news at 11' mentality.

Drew: Yes, and coming from a psychology background, we respond to issues of fear. That's our evolution and that would relate to our survival. If you're not paying attention to a predator, we're going to get snuffed out The culture, at large, keeps us in check with a lot of fear. The world is a bad place and bad things happen, and that's the message we get repeatedly, as far as I can see. Then, going back to childhood. One of the first things they're told as they're exploring, as they're following their desire, is that they're told ‘no' and that's something that gets ingrained. Or a child says, ‘I want this' and they're told ‘Don't be selfish'. The message back is something that certainly does not feel good to keep that person in check so they behave in a certain way. Right off the bat, we're taught not to want a lot, so we internalize it and say that we don't want much and it's not good for me to want a lot. What is rewarded a lot of time is hard work. There's that work ethic that things need to be struggles. That's a characteristic that comes up and needs to be valued.

XXX: I want to bounce off this because I see this so clearly with my son. I find myself now, at the age of 45, learning to want all over again in a whole new way, and here I am today and I see so clearly how he expresses his desires and I see how very painfully, even in our enlightened household – we're 21st century parents – that we'll play after you clean up all the toys all over the place, or that you can have your dessert after you eat your carrots. It's all so clear and so pervasive and so paradoxical because there are – because things will fall apart. We were talking with our son the other day about how dessert's the good stuff and that's why we save it for last!

Drew: Right!

XXX: And it's just such a brain fog – I absolutely feel in my heart what you're saying.

Drew: I think this whole attraction process and in listening to you describe it really well, I think what we're doing is really unlearning – as much as we're learning the principles of attraction, I think we already knew those. They know this is the way things operate; they've seen it enough times. That draws people to attraction, and what it really is unlearning all the stuff that you've learned rather than really teaching you anything. It's stripping all the debris that's covered that up.

Kate: I love where this discussion is going. I've seen that fear is what makes us tight and struggle and worry about what people think. Then there's this divine part of ourselves, which is very spacious and very loving. I see love as the opposite of fear and when I choose to be in that space, things go very well for me.

: What goes through my mine as we're talking is that, for me, I do the asking and the beliefs and so on, and what I'm really noticing is that I get clues about what I've asked for. The universe is constantly sending me beautiful, wonderful things and sometimes they're not exactly what I expected, but they lead where I'm going and towards what I want. That's been something that I've been learning, and I've been paying more and more attention. I've been realizing that if I just open my eyes and notice, it can be really awesome.

Drew: That's great; the awareness of these things coming in around you – we're not sure how it's going to be delivered to us, and that's not for us to be concerned with. But, we can't be of a single mind and think this is the only way this would work.

Kate: Can I give an example?

Drew: Sure!

Kate: It's something that you know, Drew, but we want a motor yacht – about a 40, 45 foot motor yacht within the next 5 years. We have no idea how we're going to get that, but we have pictures all over and we go to the boat shows and everything. We both thought we would just have to work harder and save money and then all of a sudden, this year an opportunity came along. This wonderful 12-unit apartment building just almost threw itself in our lap in March as a way of getting to where we want to go. We weren't looking for an apartment building, but we owned it within 6 weeks. The whole thing just had a flow to it; it was so easy to get financing for it, things that we didn't expect came through, and it was just very easy. That was our vehicle that we didn't see before, but we just knew somehow that we would get there. Now, it's very clear how we're going to get there. When you put it out to the universe, you can either get what you want, or something else that will be another avenue to get what you want.

Drew: Or something else! What I hear in that too is that the faith, the opportunities that arise, and also the reminder that it's an active process. One, the opportunities cam to you, but you had to recognize it, then you had to act on it. You had to sign the papers and get into this building. It was you noticing the opportunity and taking advantage of the opportunity.

Kate: Yes, and it felt so right that we knew we were on the right track!

Drew: Beautiful! I also want to go back to Kate's comment on fear. Is it in that place of love or is it in that place of fear and what could go wrong? When you stop caring fear – and I know that's easier said than done, but if you can stop caring and putting your energy there, that's one of the most important shifts in allowing these desires to manifest themselves.

Kate: and in relation to what I've learned about love is that it's unconditional, and it's of myself. I think where I got in my way a great of my life was having to earn something and having to prove something. I realized I don't have to do anything; I'm perfect. It's living like that that opens doors all over the place for what I want to come to me.

Drew: And what I hear in that Kate is that self-love is such an important part of that. You're not putting any conditions on how you feel about yourself.

Kate: Right. I can make all sorts of mistakes and be totally lovable.

Drew: Beautiful!

Chad: I want to say one more thing about the apartment coming – again, places where I've noticed a real attachment to what I called metaphorically ‘the wrapping paper', that's like noticing that I'm so focused on how I expect something to look that when it comes wrapped in striped wrapping paper instead of polka-dot wrapping paper, I'm like, ‘No, n; you don't understand!'

XXX: You sent the wrong package.

Chad: And the universe is saying, ‘No you idiot; open it!' The real warning there is that all you've got to do is say thank you and look under the flap. I'm hearing that it shows up in several different ways.

Drew: That's a good visual to keep in mind – I like that wrapping paper. Any other comments before we wrap up the class? This is the fist Attractionville call and I came into it wondering, how is it going to go to some degree, but the overall feeling was excitement and being able to share some cool conversation. Again, I just want to thank you for the energy and the insight and the sharing and the wisdom. What my vision for Attractionville is that we get more like-minded people like this who do want more for themselves, and are great, brilliant people who can come and really add to this discussion and we can all learn from one another about how to bring more and more of our desires into life.

Again, keep looking for the classes and any suggestions you want to make feel free to send them in. I just want to say thanks and keep in touch!

XXX: Thank you, Drew (multiple voices)

Drew: Bye!